i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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