I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
