1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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