I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
