I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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