seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
false alarm, still single
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
