you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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