When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So vagazzling was a success
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
