So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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