So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
