Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
