im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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