There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
