sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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