I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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