Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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