Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what day is it and did you see me today?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
