just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
