I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
