At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
