There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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