I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
