The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize