Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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