I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
