no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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