She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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