I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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