Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
