i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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