Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
