Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
