you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
