omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
...so i touched it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
