Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
