I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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