When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
