i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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