Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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