JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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