I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
