last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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