so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Mom said you looked used
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
