i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize