im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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