Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
