At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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