You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
