I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
