girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
