what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
