its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
