put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
