Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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