she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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