She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
