I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
