yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
