dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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