There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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