plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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