I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
