Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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