oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
