So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
