maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
